Have a Little Faith....

I have had many days where, at the end of the day, I sat on my bed and just looked at my Bible... at my devotions book... at my journal. I try to read my devotional. My mind is not focused. My eyes are tired. My brain is tired. I can not concentrate. I don't have the words to pray...and I definitely don't have the mental capacity at that point to read the Bible. Have you had those days too? I feel like I am failing in life... sometimes I feel like He's carrying ALL the weight...

Living out your walk with Christ can be hard... let's be honest, most days I feel like I have miserably failed at this whole faith thing... and there are no directions for "How To"... There are no easy answers! I am busy. I have kids all of the time. I have work, homework, activities, etc... The list is literally endless! In the midst of my busyness, I still try... Jesus reminds me with a gentle nudge, IF I listen... a lot of times, the busyness of the world is so loud that I can't hear Him. Until the evening, when the kids are in bed and I am have time to ________________ (insert whatever last minute thing one of the kids HAD to have for school tomorrow, or the million things around the house waiting to be done, or the seven loads of laundry that somehow show up right after I feel like I've finished all the laundry...) while I am doing that, I hear Him clearly. No distracting noise or interruptions, other than my own brain... I hear Him tell me that there are things that I should write about... (like this blog that has been in the works for 5 years.... yes... you read that right. FIVE Years... sometimes I don't listen as well as I should. Other times, I feel like I'm not qualified to do anything for Him... and He lovingly reminds me that He qualifies the called... ) Sometimes He tells me how well I have listened to His guidance. Sometimes He has to remind me (okay, ALL the time He has to remind me) that He is in control, & I need to just TRUST the process and WAIT... (Waiting is very hard for me)... And sometimes, He puts me in these situations where I have the choice to LISTEN to Him and do something, or do nothing.... And of all of the times I have listened, done what I felt He was asking me to do, there has never been a bad ending. Not once. For a simple exmaple, when I am scrolling through Facebook, (Yes, I am using Facebook as an example) I read something that hits home, and I hear a nudge... maybe someone else needs this word... so I repost it. Every single time, someone has commented that it was right on time for them. The last time I spoke to someone who wasn't essentially my "friend"... they needed to hear all about what He has done for me over the last few years, because (I didn't know at the time) they were also trying to change... So I know that His guidance is there, I just need to LISTEN to Him...even when I feel uncomfortable. It grows my FAITH in Him, and in His process, because I can see that He is working through me... I am but a light for His greatness to shine through... Nothing that I have done in my life has ever been truly just me. He has been there every step of the way, whether I chose to acknowledge Him or not. He has carried me. He has kept me. And there have been times where that has truly been nothing short of a miracle.

I don't know where you are in your walk. If you're new to this, or starting over (like I have done so many, many times)... or if you have been doing this for many years. Where ever you happen to be, let me encourage you today. It's never too late to change something you are unhappy with... the only regret you will have is that you waited so long! The time that I spent doing things my way..... well that's a book! I did not make the best choices, but He kept me still. He is the author of my life now, and can I tell you that this is by far the happiest I have been in many years. I know that whatever He has for me, in His time, is FAR better than anything that I could ever ask for. And this is why, I make the choice daily, to wait on Him. To trust Him. To know that man's rejection (which I have had my share of this week with jobs) is His protection and redirection. It certainly has made sense to me but only as I look back on it. I never know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future and I trust Him. Psalm 121:1-2 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Acts 13:47 For so the Lord has commanded us, saying “I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.” Ephesians 5:8 "for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light."

Transparency In A World That Is Anything But....

Can I be transparent with you for a minute? Someone told me that all I post on Facebook is the good stuff. Just the sunshine and rainbows of my life. He knows who he is, because he also said, I wish I could find out if your life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I choose to post the good, and post a minimal post asking for prayers when things are bad. And I have always felt like it was my choice to do that. But then God placed it on my heart... He whispered to me... "How can the situations you experience be used for My glory if you aren't sharing the bad AND the good? How can your testimony be used to encourage others if you aren't sharing what I have brought you through? Maybe someone is in a situation like you were and you've overcome that. Maybe your story can help others." So, this post. Enjoy, and hopefully you can relate to some of the things I struggle with.

Understanding will never bring you peace. 8/7/16 This is something that I have struggled with for a very long time. I always want to know WHY. I am always the first to ask the 5 W's: Who, What, When, Where, and the infamous, often unanswerable WHY. I feel a need to understand everything that piques my interest. Recently, I have come to look at certain situations in a different light - with a different lens, so to speak... There are sometimes things that, even after they are explained, I will not understand. The need to understand is something I have struggled with moreso since December 2015, and most people know why that is. There is a huge why that I know I will not have answered until God calls me home (which I am praying is not for a long time, unless the rapture occurs). I have to let go of focusing on that WHY. I would love to have an answer. There are many other people who would also love to have an answer, for more than just the WHY. Every day, I just leave that at the feet of Jesus, and trust Him that He can carry that burden for me. I have three children who look to me daily... to be their provider, cheerleader, chauffeur, chef, entertainment provider, this list could go on and on... In short, these children are watching me and how I handle daily life. I have been a worrier, and it is my natural temperament to always be worrying about things. I think that somewhat goes hand in hand with motherhood (especially mothers of boys!). If I am contstantly worrying, there are consequences for that: *** I am distracted from the right now moments with my family *** I am not as happy as I could be, because worrying steals my joy *** I am more likely to feel like giving up, because each day I am stressing about things outside of my control *** I set an example for my children... to worry about everything. I don't know about you, but that is definitely NOT the example I want to set for them! If I worry, they become worriers... the good news is, I can change that! I can show them what it looks like to walk by faith. My brain does not have to be so distracted by worry. You know the devil is the author of confusion and chaos. God is the author of peace. He knows what each day holds, and He is always on time. On His time, not mine. Thats a whole different post! I would much rather have a peaceful mind than a chaotic one. Others may not mind the chaos or confusion. Some people need that like it's oxygen. That's for them. Definitely not for me! I choose to leave the mess alone. I need peace. I need to get through each day, and His grace is sufficient for me. Every morning is a fresh start, after a restful nights sleep, I find each day new ways to make the choice to trust and not worry. My takeaways from this... *** Without worry I can refocus my attention on the right now moments with my children *** Without worry I can ENJOY today without fear of what tomorrow will bring *** Without worry my brain is not always racing through the day, I am able to slow my thoughts and enjoy life *** Without Worry (AKA the need to understand) I am free to enjoy life as it should be... I know that when my children are grown and gone, I will miss these days. And I dont want to miss out on them now by being worried about everything. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" Psalm 62:5 "Find Rest, O My Soul, in God alone, my hope comes from Him" Romans 5:1 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ," 2 Thessalonians 3:16 "Now may the Lord of Peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you"